Slender Man, Edible.

All I could think of was Rice Krispy treats the other day.

The Slender Man I

I am quite taken with the Slender Man concept, follow up posts soon.

Memorable Quotes from Forgotten Conversations, Pt1

What follows is a collection of quotes from IM conversations I have had, sans context, assembled into a sort of auteur conversation.

…So you’re saying  that computer-human interaction should be designed by an insane disembodied mind?

No what I’m saying is that a race of insane cyborgs that hates humanity is a pretty good way to go out

I mean, since animals are property under the law, I guess they could offer themselves as collateral. In the case of a horse that’s pretty significant, though for most rodents we’re looking at $3 to $20, maybe a bit more for guinea pigs or chinchillas.

I can’t see paying much for a used rodent

If you found out you were the lower lobe of the godtron’s large intestine, would you just quit being religious?

No, I would get a job in the sewage industry, as a metaphor.

You are not a proper kook.

You should illustrate a children’s book of the damned, filled with things like this.

granted, this is not that major of an improvement over our old control system, but apparently it was a dealbreaker?

Sort of like finding a piece of candy in a toilet.

I don’t feel now is the appropriate time for me to go into a graphic depiction of what that act entails

That was such a bad idea. Pretty warehouse fire though.

SPACE Toaster!

I meant it as an pronoun, not a verb

I have a question about these chicken hats you sold me -they appear to be….

Listen: those were on clearance. no returns.

I don’t think it’s legal to sell frozen sea cow fetuses with paper chicken combs as hats.

A rubber band was included in each box!

In no conceivable way can a rubber band securely attach these fetuses to the human head.

You wanna go scam a ton of people?

Do you even need to ask?

Running Interference

Something to ponder:  When is compassion constructive?  If you said “always” without any forethought, consider the following cherry-picked scenarios.

1.On your walk to work each day, you encounter a homeless person who asks for spare change.  You give them some every few days, out of compassion.  Eventually, you stop seeing them.  You find out later that they were found dead in the street of alcohol poisoning. You’ve done an evil thing.

2. A neighbor loses their job, and although both spouses are looking for work, neither of them can find gainful employment – after a time they find themselves in dire straights. You hear about a job opening at your company that your neighbor could perform adequately and you, the compassionate and rational being that you are, talk to the right people and help them get the job.  Where your neighbor goes from there is their own business, you’ve done a good deed.

Let me explain what is meant by evil and good in this context. In the first scenario, you have essentially taken responsibility for the homeless person’s entire means of living, even though you know nothing about their life (and likely never even asked their name), and they have no accountability to you.  You (and likely others) are their sole source of income, and in this instance, they provide no meaningful service beyond, perhaps, making you feel better about having more than they do (and even that guilt is a scheme, or unintentional on their part).  There is no accountability for their actions.

In the second scenario, you have intervened in a situation you are at least approximately aware of, and only taken a limited responsibility for one aspect of a situation in an attempt to help someone with a specific issue in their life. More importantly, you have not forced anything upon that person, you have only opened a door, the accountability is still theirs.

Taking responsibility for someone’s life requires much more forethought than it is usually given. It’s similar to having a child over whom you have no control.

Charity can mean the difference between success and failure, life and death, but it must never be separated from critical thinking, and it must not be forgotten that interfering with someone’s life in that way (no matter how welcome it may be) is in some measure taking responsibility for that person’s life.  Responsibility without accountability usually leads to disaster.  Don’t think with your heart, it’s not properly equipped for the job.

Entertainment in Conversation

Recently a friend and I had an IM conversation that was too surreal not to share, see if you can sort it out:

DSCarmon: Mr. Guliani, what, in your opinion is the coolest frog in the world?

Mr. “Guiliani” : Frogs have suffered harshly since 9/11. It’s true that no frogs, in particular, were harmed during the 9/11 attacks; however thousands of people were killed. If not for my heroic efforts, it’s possible that even more people would have been killed or harmed on 9/11. Everyone who did not die on 9/11 owes their survival to my heroic efforts; and as it’s well known, people have a wide ranging effect on their environment. Many people who did not die on 9/11 have gone on to own or take care of frogs, or will someday have children who have pet frogs, and this is only possible due to the fact that they did not die on 9/11.

Please, make me president, I saved the world on 9/11.

DSCarmon: And what will you do to help endangered frogs that, perhaps, aren’t as cool?

Mr. “Guiliani” : If elected president, I vow to make sure that 9/11/2001 never happens again. Never again.

DSCarmon: What bills would you sign to ensure the public is educated about uncool frogs?

Mr. “Guiliani” : Remember that aside from being king of New York, the capital of the world, I am also the hero who saved the world on 9/11. It’s important to remember that, on 9/11, no one was talking about the frogs, and no one was thinking about them. However, as I was saving the world on 9/11, I was thinking about everyone and everything that would be affected, including frogs. I vow to stamp every frog that survived 9/11, thanks to me, with a small stamp, which will read “Survivor of 9/11, property of Rudy Giuliani”

DSCarmon: What if we protect the frogs too well, what then?

Mr. “Guiliani” : Some would say that 9/11 cannot be taken too lightly. I would agree – the events of 9/11 must never be forgotten. Not only frogs were affected by 9/11, but people as well, as well as other animals, plants, and even some of the more nearby planets. That is why I plan to stamp every person, building, plant, and nearby moon or planet with my patented 9/11 stamp, which reads “Survivor of 9/11, property of Rudy Giuliani”. In this way no one can forget 9/11, and 9/11/2001 can never happen again.

DSCarmon: And how would you, with your extensive experience in 9/11, defend this country from frog attack if you only had a $12.00 defense budget?

Mr. “Guiliani” : I think it’s important to remember that we have been attacked before, on 9/11. We have to take the fight TO those who committed 9/11. If I was facing the threat of another attack like 9/11, I would strike first, with nuclear weapons and alaskan oil.

This would cost us nothing – much less than 9/11 – because we already own nuclear weapons and alaskan oil, thus we don’t need to buy anything. In this way I will save the tax payers money, just like I saved their lives on 9/11

DSCarmon: You mentioned nearby planets earlier: What about space frogs? Are they a credible threat?

Mr. “Guiliani” : Prior to 9/11, I did not believe 9/11 was a threat – no one did. Who’s to say the same isn’t true today, even though 9/11 was years ago?

DSCarmon: So.. just to clarify:
You support defense spending for anti-space-frog programs?

Mr. “Guiliani” : I support all defense spending, as long as it pertains in some way to preventing future 9/11s. However, I do not support any other spending, as the constitution only authorizes the government to spend money if that money will be used to prevent 9/11.

DSCarmon: What about education spending? Should the federal goverment continue funding public schools where children are able to dissect frogs on an almost daily basis?

Mr. “Guiliani” : History books show that we had schools before 9/11, and they did not prevent 9/11. While it’s not certain that we can trust pre-9/11 books – how could you trust a book which does not mention 9/11 even once?? – it IS true that if those books are correct, schools and books did nothing to prevent 9/11. Therefore, in the post 9/11 world that I am emperor-god of, there will be no schools.

DSCarmon: Should you be elected, what sort of amphibian communication abilities do you bring to the office?

Mr. “Guiliani” : I will transmit a VERY clear message to those who would harm us, amphibian or otherwise: 9/11 will never happen again. On the other hand, for those on our side, I welcome all who would help us prevent future 9/11s, be they human, amphibian, robot, invisible angel that only I can see, alien, or human.

DSCarmon: Thank you for your time. One more question before we go:
What about Ducks?

Mr. “Guiliani” : 9/11

Avatar: A (Successful) Experiment in Mediocrity

There’s a good chance you’ve seen Avatar, probably it in 3-D.  And according to exit polls, you probably liked it.  I too saw this film, in 2-D, and apparently I am not seeing the same movie as the critics and fans.  If all you look for in a film is special effects, then move along,  you’ll find no sympathy here.  But if you thought There Will be Blood, Pitch Black, and District 9 were good, then read on.

There are two things I’d like address right up front, and these are the areas Avatar excelled.

1. Special Effects.

2. Box office receipts.

No need to comment on either, they speak for themselves.

(A quick aside about Cameron’s films:  Remember Titanic?  A lot of people saw that too, big blockbuster, touted as a special effects masterpiece.  How many of you thought it was good a month after you saw it?  A year?)

I’m certainly not the first to compare avatar with previous “going native” stories.  As far as Avatar’s plot is concerned it copies other stories very liberally. Let’s be clear about originality:  Nothing will be completely new, but it is possible to create a story which gives a new perspective on some event or concept, or which completely bucks all expectations. Avatar doesn’t even try.  A good Sci-Fi film should have a story that works independent of it’s setting and effects.  If you can set the story in some mundane setting and it’s still interesting and the slightest bit unpredictable, then you will have the makings of a good film.  I mentioned Pitch Black earlier.  Conversely, There Will be Blood could have been set thousands of years in the future, and still be just as incredible.  Avatar is bound to it’s setting in a completely inextricable way.  It’s a safe film, without a single challenging thought or theme not already well-tread by dozens of films, cartoons, and books. I suppose we have to hand it to Mr. Cameron.  He called it.  Are we just simpletons who like pretty flashing lights? The box office sales and critical reviews answer with a resounding yes.

Back to the Grind

Holiday over, back to the grind.  No doubt we will all hear lots of groaning about getting back to work. Why?  It’s a social thing. Complaining about one’s job is some sort of time-honored tradition, the only conceivable benefit of which is to try and connect to your fellow employees.  It accomplishes other things too, like lowering morale and job satisfaction, hurting productivity, annoying co-workers.  While we shouldn’t generally feel guilty for being prosperous, it would behoove us to get a wider view of the world the next time we think of complaining about the work we signed up to do.

Ownership and Wagon-Boarding

A thought occurred to me while lounging about on the internet today.  Why do many people use the terms of ownership “we” and “our” to describe a group or object which they have no real ownership of?  The most common example is sports fans.  “We’re going to the superbowl.”  Really?  No, you are not going to play in the superbowl, the team is.  And the cold hard truth is that the team does not need you to get to the superbowl any more than the hero of a movie or play needs applause from the audience to reach the conclusion, be it a comedy or tragedy.   I don’t mean to single out sports fans here, many groups of people tend to commit this logical fallacy. Why care?  It is a logical fallacy!  Any such thought which prevents us from seeing the world as it truly is makes you a target for predation.  I can see why a lot of people don’t care, sometimes all you lose is money.

Eschewing Safety for Bread

Despite the very real fire hazard of puttering around in the kitchen, I resolved to bake bread.  Beer bread to be specific.  I am not, as the pictures may make clear, any sort of domesticated.  But even I can cobble together this simple and delicious recipe.

My awesome “pan”

After baking:

Critical Thought Required

The world of indie video games is at the forefront of interactive creativity.

ir/rational

This is a short, free, and amazing little game with massive potential and despite it’s text-based interface, a ton of atmosphere.  It’s ostensibly a puzzle game, but has a lot of philosophical and logical content.  Check it out, and if you like it, leave a donation on the site.  Gaming won’t advance as either entertainment or art if the community won’t support it.